Trans – Life & Fiber

Fiber, genderqueer, Knitting, Trans, transition

Hurry Up & Wait

Posted on Thursday, 27 February, 2020Thursday, 27 February, 2020 by Life, Fiber, Trans

@MountainColors Bearfeet, Blooming Gale — I always have socks on the needles. It means warm feet & a socially acceptable stim.

I started these socks over the weekend knowing I had several appointments this week. I use a medical ride company, Logisticare, and often spend quite a while in transit (since we have to pick up other patients) or waiting for my ride, and I see no point in wasting that time when I could be working on socks or a simple shawl.

Most of the increasing was done on Monday, and yesterday I did about half an inch. I knit a bit faster when I’m nervous, even when I’m being careful of my gauge. The last socks I took off the needles are just a titch tighter than I’d prefer.

Have I mentioned that only six months ago did my state decide to let Medicaid patients get transition services? And no one really even knows what that means. So far, HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) has been going through without issue from a pretty firm set of providers (I’m going to Planned Parenthood, who seems to be the ones covering my area) and sometimes even surgery has been approved.

It took a little bit to get my appointment, because they were moving their office, but I did finally go in yesterday. Because of my ‘interesting/complicated’ medical history, the doctor I saw there has to send my paperwork (and the records they obtain from my PCP) to the medical director. My most recent blood draw should be within tolerance (that is, they shouldn’t have to take more, even though that wouldn’t bother me). Sometime within the next two weeks, they’ll let me know if it’s safe for me to go on testosterone—they work on a medical basis only—but they also always work towards a yes.

I had told them going in that my two biggest concerns were 1) would MaineCare cover it, and 2) would my vEDS be too much of a barrier. They were not worried about MaineCare at all, and are not overly worried about the vEDS.

I have socks to work on, a shawl that’s calling my name, my knitting machine wants me to play with it (I keep telling it I don’t have weights yet, but it’s impatient), and my pup just wants me to stay on the couch and cuddle her on this very, very rainy day.

For now I think I’ll just have a cup of tea.

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Nervicited

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Tomorrow I go to my very first Hormone Replacement Therapy appointment, and hopefully I’ll get to start taking testosterone. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to, I have a lot of health issues, but then again, I know of a lot of people with my specific health issues who are on T. :crosses fingers:

There’s also the fact that I’m genderqueer. I do lean masc, but not completely. I have all these conflicting feelings, but I also remember being 19 years old and reading about transition. I remember being in high school and wanting so badly to get rid of my chest (that feeling has never, ever gone away). I watch others transition, and it hurts.

When people call me ‘sir’, I walk on air for a few days.

I can’t stay this depressed any longer. I can’t every winter and summer look into transitioning. I’m forty fucking years old, I have to stop being scared of the boogeymen that are my parents and be myself.

I just hope I don’t come home disappointed.

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Status• Posted on Tuesday, 25 February, 2020Tuesday, 25 February, 2020 by Life, Fiber, Trans

The president’s SSI Plan is in Motion

There’s been a lot of consternation and fear in the disability community about the new measures impacting our lives that the current president is pushing through.

There are the measures to hobble the ADA, Medicare, and Medicaid, taking funding from those insurance plans to prop up his failing budget.
- We already avoid going to the hospital or the doctor for fear of extra fees and undeclared copays.
- Many of us either skimp on or simply do not pick up our medication because it is too expensive for us, or is not in the formulary.
  - I am without a heart-safe inhaler, which is why I so seldom use mine. A heart defect and albuterol do not a good pair make. My new doctor has tried to fix this, but has found out why that has never worked.
  - I barely take my pain meds, as I cannot afford them.
  - I did not and do not have the in-home help I need, because it would have to come OOP—the ‘properly’ trained staff are too far away.
  - It’s not nearly just me. Did you read the ‘feel-good’ story about the kid who was slowly committing suicide to save his parent’s money on his insulin? Or you could not be as lucky as that young man, and not have parents around enough to see the symptoms until it was too late.

But it’s not just health care they’re after. SNAP is on the block, for disabled adults they feel may be able to work at some point in the future, as well. They’re even adding in new classifications and redefining ‘able-bodied’ so they can take away your food.

How does this help the economy? It doesn’t. SNAP comes from the Dept. of Agriculture, is a farmer subsidy before anything else, a corporate subsidy next (you can hire you workers cheaper, they buy in store, SNAP tends to give back $1.50 to the community it’s used in for every $1.00 spent), and then it’s a poverty benefit.

My SNAP benefits were lowered a couple of months ago (despite my expenses going up). My fridge is nearly empty right now; on the bright side, I took the chance to do a full clean: shelves, drawers, and all. 😏 I have no ride to the grocery store right now. I’m grateful to still at least have my SNAP benefits, many people I know are losing theirs, or going down to $20/month.

And today I received what I’ve been dreading in the mail. I’m permanently disabled on multiple axis—my evaluation period for SSI should be every 7 years (the most frequent should be 3 years). My last one was in February 2008.

Today I received a new evaluation, to be received by the SSA by the end of the month. It focuses on my ability to work, have I worked, have I talked to my doctor about working; have I bothered to see a doctor in the past 2 years; have I had any hospital stays/surgeries (they will, apparently, make their determination on this).

On this depends my life now.

I have an appointment to find out if that lump is malignant. For catching up on all the appointments I missed not having a doctor for over a year. The usual specialists. I have a great case manager. An apartment. No car.

I have the wheels in motion to start my physical transition finally, because there’s no more need to be in the closet. If I lose that, I don’t know.

I don’t want to go back to being homeless, scared, sicker, cold, no way to eat, toilet, or wash easily.

And I was worried about dealing with YCCA, and getting parts for my knitting machine (or trying to get help retrieving them). Perspective!

This is happening all over the U.S. There’s a reason government workers are now allowed to go Canada and Mexico to get their medication (and sometimes get their trips paid for)—it’s too expensive here!

Of course, I can’t afford medical tourism.

In the meantime, I keep busy. My apartment is almost completely set up. I finished a 4290744E-C053-45DD-AA09-50A2F82680AD pair of socks. I’m ready to learn how to become more than a rank novice on my knitting machine (which took a bit of cleaning & maintenance, but it works, and seems to work well). I play with my pup and we’ve been taking walks around the park, which she loves.

I try to manage. My rent plus utilities is over 50% of my SSI right now, and due to a mistake by the electric company (we hate CMP here in Maine) I’ve no idea how I’m going to take care of my next, overly inflated, bill (almost $150, and my usage is historically ~$25/month).

Of course, I’m not the only one facing this either. Just the one who had it come today. I’ve spoken with several people just since yesterday who have gotten one of these, and many many more in the past few months.

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